Thoughts...written May 2016

So, off and on the past year I have been thinking more about the Gospel, and the people in it....and it seems as though more and more Mormons are leaving the church. We know these are the last days, and we see prophesies of it more and more, because the time of the second coming of our Saviour gets closer every day. I've been having a lot of thoughts on this matter and I will try and share them: Just because you are member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-Saints doesn't mean you are a good person. It doesn't mean you have a testimony of the Saviour and His Gospel, the Restoration, or of the Prophet today. It doesn't mean you are better than anyone else. Minus the last thing ( being better than anyone else ) being a Latter-day-Saint should mean all those things and more...however, I think sometimes we honestly believe that just because we are Mormon, we are these things, amongst others. It is not so unless you make it so. let me clarify if I can... In this life, we have a body, and our body encompasses our spirit, our soul. Our Spirit lived before we were born, and will live after we die. In the Pre-mortal existence, we were all different, just like we are here on earth. We were at different levels of obedience, and desire, just like here on earth. Think of the great and noble ones spoken of in Abraham, as well as the Spirits who chose to follow Lucifer. We are not all equal in agency. We each have our own choices that are uniquely ours. Many choices we make are the same, like our decision to get baptised, or married, have children, or go to school of some sort... but even in those choices, there are different reasonings behind them that are totally personal to us based on our hearts, thought process and perceptions, desire, and upbringing. We were not all the same in the pre-mortal existence regarding our righteousness either. And so it is, here on earth. And so it will be after we die. We will be judged and will go to one of the three degrees of glory, Celestial, Terrestrial, or Telestial. This really makes sense to me for many reasons. To me, it proves of God's justness and grace. It shows that even though there is one solid standard in God's eyes; the principles, and commandments He has set are the same for everyone... there is also a place for everyone regarding their agency and their desire to obey God's laws. It shows me that our Spirit, our soul is eternal, and who were were before we were born plays a huge part in our life on this earth. We have taken with us, and have within us who we were when we lived in God's presence. Each of us has the potential through our agency to become much of the same person in this life, that we were in the pre-earth life. Patriartical Blessings can play a huge role in discovering this. We each have inheritated potential to be so strong and do so much good in this life. Are we tapping into that? Do we see ourselves as our Father in Heaven does? Do we know who we truly are, and what we are capable of? I see friends... some very good friends, some family, people I love leaving the church, and choosing to not believe in things that they once did. We know though, in these latter days the wheat will be separated from the tares, that even the very elect will fall. Those who have true enduring testimonies, and those who were just going through the motions will be made known. Being a member of the church won't mean anything to you unless you give it meaning. That is why some take it so seriously, and some don't seem to care that much. When I was growing up, the Gospel was black and white to me. Not to sound self righteous, but I didn't understand it when other youth weren't following the commandments, when they thought so much less of the Gospel in ways that I treasured it. I wanted so badly for all members to really BE members, and live it! And love it, and have a strong testimony and set that example for others. It saddened me greatly when I saw the opposite. Now, I do have a broader perspective. I get why some aren't so gunho about the church and our beliefs. I get why some people fall astray, and choose not to live it. I get it. And it's ok. Because it's a part of life. To be honest, there will be so many more that fall away, or are just kind of coasting than those who truly live what they believe, or are at least fighting to every day. The Saviour's followers were few. Straight is the gate, and narrow is the way, and few there be that find it. I want to be amoung the few. I like how I give meaning to my beliefs. They are apart of who I am, and they greatly influence the choices I make daily, how I think, and what I think about. The Saviour is at the forefront of my life, and when he isn;t, I am striving for Him to be. I am not perfect. I am trying. Everyday. And I can see the ways I have improved, and in some ways taken a few steps backwards. But I am trying. This is life. It is a process, it is a refining process. Sometimes, you will be seeing some you love choose other paths than the ones we believe. We can choose how this influences us. There are always those around you trying to live the Gospel too, who believe it with all their hearts. What and whom are you choosing to focus on? Are you using things that they find, or start to believe as an excuse to leave the church? Because deep down you don't really want to be a mormon anyways? I think this happens often. According to my husband, he thinks a lot of people use anti-mormon literature, or something new the church has set out, as an excuse to leave the church. They find a problem with something that they claim is just too big for them to keep believing in our religion, so they must leave it. When deep down their hearts weren't in it, but they weren't upfront enough to just come out and say, " hey this isn't for me because I would rather make these choices in my life", instead they need to have something to blame it on... (an issue with Joseph Smith, or something in church history, or what we think of gay marriage.) or something to that effect. There are also those that truly struggle at one time or another, or sometimes for a long time with our beliefs, or aspects of it. They struggle to understand certain principles, or things in the past, or new council that is given. And to that, there is a solution. We are each entitled to personal revelation. We can pray, have faith, seek to understand, study, and ask about every single thing we believe. And we can get an answer. And most of all, one key factor in all of this is obedience. "There is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundation of the world upon which all blessings are predicated. And if one obtains any blessing from heaven, it is according to obedience to that law upon which it is predicated..." Our testimony, our belief system, and the way we chose to live our lives depend on desire, choice, obedience, and faith. We choose how righteously we want to live. We choose who influences us and to what degree. We choose how firmly planted on the Lord's side we want to be, and then be that. We choose. Personally, I have had some very sacred experiences to me, in my life that have solidified the Gospel teachings, and what we believe and preach as Latter-day-Saints. I have had experiences that I could not deny that have testified to my heart and soul that God lives, and this is his Gospel on the earth. That He sent his Son Jesus Christ to this earth to walk among us, take upon himself all our sins and sorrows, and die on the cross. That he was resurrected, and in turn is a gift to all that ever has and will live. And while he was on this earth he called twelve apostles and established his church. That same church that slowly died off, as the foundations of it's Priesthood power was killed one by one ( the death of the Twelve Apostles) That Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ answered a humble prayer of a 14 year old boy, appeared to him and chose to restore the fullness of the Gospel once again upon the earth. There may be some convincing things out there to sway me to choose otherwise, but I know what I know. Truth is truth. It does not change with the trends, and the times. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and His Gospel will always stand as such. No matter what way I could try and spin it, I know that the Holy Ghost has testified to my heart, mind, and spirit over and over throughout my life of the truthfulness of the Gospel, and the fulness that is found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints.